The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
