I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize