dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize