I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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