Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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