my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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