Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
