You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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