Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
