Plan B is the new Plan A
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
