your room smells of hookers.
And success
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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