you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize