Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
