A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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