The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
