He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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