Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize