do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hippo gnu deer
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
