That's intense
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
