God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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