We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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