so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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