she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
