He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
