I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
