Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
