My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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