Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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