that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
