I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
