I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
