Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
