There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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