rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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