I puked a lego.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
