Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
