Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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