At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
