We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
