Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
