First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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