i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
