I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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