every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
