dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
