I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
