I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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