My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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