she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
