Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
