Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
