I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Randomize
