Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
