I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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