Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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