He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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