sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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