I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
