why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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