you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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