when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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