If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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