Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
