3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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